[06 Jan 2004|12:38am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | The Cure - Friday I'm...er... nevermind. ] "Have you ever seen Fight Club?" is something I like to say to people. Although only one or two people know what I am talking about when I ask that. Well let me take this time to explain what I mean: During one of the scenes in Fight Club, where the 'Narrator' (Edward Norton) is talking to Marla he says, more or less "When people think you're dying man they really listen to you, instead of just..." and Marla interupts/finishes with "...waiting for their turn to talk?" I have often noticed that when people are talking to one another they respond with "Yeah me too" and go on to talk about their experience. Well, this isn't so bad if people are trading war stories. But when someone asks a person about something or wants to hear about a persons day or an event or the like, people often agree the first chance they get and then begin to talk about THEIR day or THEIR event. I find that extremely rude. Perhaps, and this could be the fact in many cases, but a lot of the time people want to sympathize with the person, let them know that they can empathize. But then people get carried away and want to talk about themselves. But many times people ask those questions not necessarily wanting to hear a persons full response, so they interupt. So why ask? Maybe people just feel obligated to in certain situations, or maybe a person just wants to feel that they are being nice or that they want the other person to feel that they care. Perhaps the person genuinely does care and doesn't realize they are doing it or are just plain inconsiderate. I don't believe that I am being self-centered or narcassistic when someone is doing this to me, but if someone just wants to talk about themselves, then don't ask me to waste my breath. Or especially if you don't care, then don't ask. Thats it. Aaron 3 comments|post comment

Oi vay [04 Jan 2004|12:43pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | P.M. Dawn ] Phew, for a quick second there, I was startin to get a little down. So instead of getting all self analytical and deep... I stopped, threw on some 311, and realized how much I love life and everyone in mine. All of you are awesome. Despite how moody I can be, all of you guys/girls stick with me and realize that is just me and love me anyways (I hope!). Today, I skipped my psych. class because my mind was just not in the right place and it would have been pointless. Today I am skating in GR with Paul and maybe even some more muxicans. AND THEN we are going to the Jimmy Eat World concert at Calvin College. I cannot fricking wait. Paul gettin those tickets just makes 2002 that much closer to my favorite year ever. AND THEN TOMORROW is even better! I have an exam!!! AWESOME!!! Actually that is not why tomorrow is awesome. Tomorrow is even better because I get to go to PA to see SARA!! (after the exam) I can't fricking wait(x2). I will probably get pulled over 314 times for driving so fast. But I won't even care. I just want to see her. Ok, I am going to find something to do with all my energy... I have no idea what.. I think I might just run up and down the stairs yelling "big fish, little fish - cardboard box!!" or something of that nature. Peace love and hugs to all. Love eron 2 comments|post comment

...God? [03 Jan 2004|11:27am] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Enya ] As much as I love conversation (as most of you know), something about the topic of religion and spirituality really gets to me. And sometimes, it can REALLY get to me, like it did today. This has happened only twice in my entire life. The first time was during great teenage turmoil during my employment at Muskegons beloved Cherokee Eatery. I was finishing off the dishes on a Friday night along with one other dishwasher named Will McWilliam. For those of you who do not know him, a short description: Will is one of those kids in high school who was, if I may stereotype here, a "manson-ite." Wore black makeup to school, 666 shirts, and donned masochistic scars on his arms. Although, I did enjoy conversing with him; comparing views/beliefs. Until that Friday night. Now, I cannot recall exactly what was said on that night, but for some reason, whatever it was, stuck with me for a LONG time (on the scale of years). Whether it was keeping me up at night or invading my thoughts during long silences or car rides, it scared the shit out of me, and ultimately, added to my breakdown my junior year of high school. The second time: today. I was eating lunch with Jesh (a few doors down from me) and I asked him about his religious background and it's beginnings, history, etc. He is an adamant Christian and a great guy. Well, as he was telling me about it, some of the things he said, crept into my subconscious and brought out that feeling I had for so long repressed. As I was eating (and previously enjoying my meal, beef tariyaki wrap... yum) I had to choke down a bite as if it were fighting something trying to exit. I stopped, sat up, apologized to Jesh and excused myself to go outside because I thought I was going to be sick. I really hate throwing up, so as I sat up, I tried very hard to calm myself down. Jesh looked a little frightened, as was I. Luckily, I calmed myself enough to avoid any unwanted bodily fluid projectile (ew). I apologized and told him to continue and he finished. My 15 minute walk to class was overrun by thoughts of anxiety and fear = panic attack. I think lately, I have been really having trouble with my spirituality. Mostly in the sense of going to Hell and also, my own existance. Hell is my biggest fear, ever. Fuck spiders, fuck roller coasters, fuck choking on my food in a car. No matter how much I question God and my beliefs, for some reason, Hell is consant. I think, though, it might be my upbringings. No matter what I believe, I was raised Lutheran, it is instilled in me. Now, what exactly it means to be Lutheran, I do not know, or ever did. I just always considered myself to be Christian. And up until recently, I thought I knew what it meant to be Christian. Now, I guess I don't, and I don't like that thought. Fear of letting go of something that has been a part of me for so long? Fear of God's wrath/Hell? I do not know. But I have not had any panic attacks since high school so this really scared me. I could talk about this for hours with no conclusion. So if anyone wants to discuss it, or just have a conversation, I would be more than happy. Though, considering the feedback (or lack there of) I get from here anyways, I guess I will have to just take solace in getting this off my chest. Thank you. Aaron 4 comments|post comment

.... [31 Dec 2003|11:52pm] [ mood | poopy ] [ music | Dido ] Well, if "..." can count as an away message, it can count as a journal entry too. so ... post comment

My paper heart is bleeding [31 Dec 2003|01:23pm] [ mood | hyped up on anesthetic & pills ] [ music | nothing, ] Really lonely right now. I have nothing of interest to say what-so-ever, but my mind is driving me fucking insane. I can't sleep, don't want to stay awake, can't perform any task that takes more than five seconds of attention, so my journal is my victim. Everyone online is away, so no one to talk to. Not that I could actually converese though. Thus, my entry here justified. Ya know how when you hold your mouse over peoples names on your list, all those goodies appear? Well, I think I have checked those about 2436902345 times each within the past 42 minutes. Not to mention checking everyones journals - thank God Paul updated his. Gave me about five minutes of calm, despite it being at the expense of his currently ill status. Paul is really awesome. I feel kind of shitty saying it now, after the tickets, which makes it seem like I am an ass, but he is awesome. For SO LONG everyone talks shit to him and about him. And I am not going to lie, I have before too. I believe that it boiled down to the fact that if I had spoken out, someone would "correct" me. As nice and cool as I think I am sometimes, I am really not. I have talked shit about everyone and then I try to deny it and say that I have never and am super nice. Fuck that. Although, within the past year I have gotten tons better, and everything I say about everyone to other people, those people know about it BEFORE I say it to others(that confused even me). And I try VERY hard to stick to that. I get sick of stuff like that, and I want to actually be someone who does something, not just say they are going to. I am only human. 1 comment|post comment

Aw yeah. [30 Dec 2003|07:04pm] [ mood | Victorius ] [ music | The new Blink 182 album ] Quick note - we stomped the other team. Final score was 30 - 6. The first four points were safeties (our defense is insanely good). I ran in for the first touchdown. We had them shut out until their very last play where they ran it in. Oh well. Funny comment: they said they would see us in the championship... we said "yes, from the sidelines... bitch." 1 comment|post comment

Let me try this again [29 Dec 2003|10:58am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | The Cure ] [10 Favorite Bands] -- No particular order. 1] Tool 2] Jimmy Eat World 3] Pink Floyd 4] The Cure 5] A Perfect Circle 6] Dave Matthews Band 7] Faithless 8] Weezer 9] The Used 10] System of a Down [09 Things You're Looking Forward To] 1] Next semester at school 2] Graduating school, getting into grad school 3] Basically, the rest of my life :-) 4] Pooping, I love to poop. 5] Getting my car fixed. 6] Taking a shower, I smell like cig. smoke - yuck. 7] Having fun. 8] Having fun. 9] Having fun. [08 Things You Wear Daily] 1] A smile 2] Pants 3] A shirt of some sort 4] Boxers 5] Birthday suit. 6] My crabs... just kidding. 7] Necklace 8] Hemroid ointment... er... crap. [07 Things That Annoy You] 1] Annoying people... 2] ...including myself at times. 3] When people use u,2,r in place of words on the internet. 4] Overuse of other internet slang, especially "rotfl,lmao,ttyl" 5] When my computer gets ghonaherpasyphilaids. 6] When people break the law then get pissed for getting busted. 7] Lots other other things. [06 Things You Touch Every Day] 1] My bangus in the morning. 2] Then my balls. 3] My computer... yes, directly after my balls. 4] The three-legged donkey at the end of the road. 5] My chainsaw 6] Actually, I touch lots of stuff everyday. [05 Things You Do Every Day] 1] Get online and talk. 2] Play video games. 3] Breath 4] Poop! 5] Wake up [04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time or Hang out With] 1] Matt Koon 2] Mark Lacroix 3] Kari Fields 4] Your mom [03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over] 1] American Beauty 2] Bourne Identity 3] Dumb and Dumber [02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment] 1] The Cure - Just Like Heaven, Pictures of You 2] A Perfect Circle - The Noose [01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With] 1] Sorry, can't answer that yet, but if I could, would I? hhmmm 1 comment|post comment

The aftermath [29 Dec 2003|10:28am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Cake - Frank Sinatra ] If you know Paul and Ben, I would hope you know that they also have journals. They also both updated yesterday, BEFORE last nights events unraveled. And though there have been much, MUCH crazier nights, I believe last night is note worthy (at least through my, multi-substance saturated eyes). The night never really had a starting point, due to the staggered beginnings of everyones material consumption. After everyone had a few (or more, many more) in them, we all headed out to a party near the original Muxico. On the way there, some... interesting characters from a nearby stoop requested a monetary donation for a 40. Now, somewhere between instinct and logic, something went hay-wire. Apparently, if YOU have no money to give someone begging for it, YOU are the "broke-ass bitch." Despite some less than polite exchanges of words, a rock bigger than the assailents enflamed ego being threatened with, and literally, 10 cops having more impending business, nothing happened. I truly belive that if the majority of us were in more of an aggressive, aggrivated mood, those kids would NOT have walked away. But none-the-less, the majority of us prefered the company of 40's, bitches and blunts. Speaking of the party, it was off the sneeze. Though everyone kept getting split up and eventually, more than half (of us) left early, I think Paul, Cody, Ben, Carl, and I, made out pretty darn good. Eventually, the cops came, thus the beginning of: round two. Back at the house - ridiculousness at it's best. No detail is needed here. If you were not there, and you know of MUX, you can imagine. But here are some clues for allusion: A beer bong, a gas mask, Maxim's top 100, large amounts of various, perception-altering substances (mainly in liquid and gas forms), and a house full of muxicans and the like. Life rocks. P.S. - Paul's Journal - www.livejournal.com/users/p_love Ben's Journal - www.livejournal.com/users/thomas_rain 1 comment|post comment

[20 Aug 2003|12:40am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | The Dave Matthews Band ] As I'm leaving Elan today, this noise from my car is getting progressively worse. What I thought to be a loose tie rod, was not. I say to myself "I will pull over at this gas station up here and check it out." No sooner is that thought finished when I hear a loud snap, crack, thud, screach and turn to my left and see my driver side, front wheel floating next to me and then bounce about 25 feet in the air. A very funny sight. One more night left in Muskegon and feeling a bit alone. post comment

Oh man [18 Aug 2003|11:39pm] [ mood | - on all accounts ] [ music | The Dave Matthews Band ] Well well well. Yet again, I have resurected this thing. I was just bored and no one was online to talk to. And I guess they don't police their little "30 day undelete" rule. Anyways. I went through and read/deleted all my old entries, though a long and tedious process, kind of interesting to read them. Like when you empty out that shoe box from junior high or high school with all the old notes and letters and pictures in it. Memories *sniffle*. I go back to school this week. As it goes with many, I'm excited to see everyone and go out (especially since I wont have to sit at home when everyone is at the bar), however NOT excited for classes. Plus I have a lot to take care of financially so I can even ATTEND school. Eh. It will all work out. Another thing on my mind that did sort of dissapoint me is that this summer, which I was expecting to be awesome, kind of sucked. Last summer was one of the best summers I have ever had. Maybe this summer wasnt good because I was hoping for more? Who knows. I worked as much this summer as I did last, maybe even less. Odd. There is quite a bit more I could talk about, but I really dont want to share it on here. So if you're interested ask me. Aaron 2 comments|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]